Nothingness

There is nothing I can do. I feel strapped, not so much trapped. Trust. It doesn't come easily. They say you should trust someone until they give you a reason not to, but I don't know if I agree. Sometimes our gut instincts are right on target and we should listen. Logic can't outweigh the gut. I feel sad. I feel indifferent. I feel vengeful. I feel slightly stupid.

Sukha

Slow. Down. We are not in a hurry. We are not rushed. Life is not rushed. Once we can just breath and rest and slow down, life and it's possibilities become so much larger. I am enjoying my yoga class. Last week was about tapping into the other side of our brain that God gave us instead of staying in such a small box and putting limitations on everything. God does say that anything is possible, so why don't we feel it most of the time? This week was about slowing down. Our ego gets in the way of what could really be possible because we are pushing and yearning and striving for an end goal instead of enjoying the journey. Much more could become possible along the way.

I enjoy thinking about these things. The world feels larger. Shockingly, God feels bigger. It isn't about me and what I can do. There is a WHOLE lot more at work, like EVERYTHING he has created!

I believe that sometimes you have to look reality in the eye and deny it.
- Garrison Keillor

Walk the Line

The morning is off to a nice start. Made eggs and toast, yes, my domestic skills (or lack thereof) do show themselves sometimes. I went for my annual physical this week and had to get a tetnis shot-my arm still kills.

I was just reflecting on insecurity and fear. I have been mulling it around lately and wondering what life experiences cause us to become insecure. It is something I really struggle with. I have to push it out of my mind. Confident and demanding girls seem to have little problems with attaining what they want and keeping it. I try to pretend sometimes I am really that confident, but in all reality, I am so not. I'm not sure if it is a series of being rejected in your life that heightens insecurity, or if I just have a low self esteem sometimes.

Well anyway, working on cleaning up some code for a site I'm finishing up, and I need to pay my license plate renewal.:)